Then Is Not Now: Calming a Nervous System That’s Stuck in the Past
Woman outdoors in autumn with hands over heart, grounding in calm
Have you ever felt your heart race even though nothing was actually happening?
Maybe your stomach drops when someone knocks on the door, or your chest tightens before entering a social gathering with people you’ve been around many times before. You know you’re not in danger—yet your body reacts like you are.
That’s the tricky thing about the nervous system: it doesn’t always know the difference between what happened then and what’s happening now.
When you’ve been through overwhelming or painful experiences, your body stores the memory just as much as your mind does. A raised voice, a bill in the mail, or even an unexpected text can send your body right back to a past moment of stress, fear, or shame.
This is why anxiety can feel so confusing. Logically, you know you’re safe. But your nervous system doesn’t believe you. It’s stuck in “survival mode,” bracing for something bad to happen.
Over time, this constant state of alert takes a toll—headaches, stomach aches, racing thoughts, trouble sleeping. It’s exhausting to live in a body that feels like it’s always waiting for the next hit.
The good news? You can teach your nervous system the difference between then and now. Here are a few grounding tools you can try when your body feels stuck:
Feel your body. Do a simple scan from head to toe:
Notice your hair on your shoulders or forehead.
The weight of your shirt on your body.
Whether your arms feel loose or stiff at your sides.
Your heartbeat—rapid or steady.
Whether your stomach feels full, empty, or tense.
If your legs are crossed or your feet are planted on the floor.
Breath check. Try 5-finger breathing: trace the outline of each finger, breathing in for 3 seconds as you trace up, and out for 3 seconds as you trace down.
Anchor phrase. Gently repeat, “Then is not now. I’m here. I’m safe.”
These small practices help signal to your nervous system that you’re not in the past—you’re here, and you’re okay.
This is where therapy can make a big difference. Therapy gives you a safe space to explore why your nervous system reacts the way it does, and to practice tools that help you regulate in real time.
It’s not about “getting over” the past. It’s about helping your body finally understand that the past is over—and that you don’t have to keep living in it.
